Sunday, January 6, 2013

Prolonging the Inevitable

Disclaimer: On this and future posts, I feel like it would be easier to use names of people to add clarity to who I am talking about. I just felt like with the number of people that are and will be referenced in the future, it makes more sense to use names rather than referencing "my roommate" and "my other roommate" and "my friend that I mentioned that one time that did that one thing." If you would prefer that I not use your name, let me know and I will be more than happy to remove it. I don't want people to feel like I'm sharing information about them that they don't want the Internet (all 3 of you out there that read this) to know about them because their name is associated with something that I share. Now, on with the blog.

If you couldn't tell from my last post, I'm kind of a wordy person and I feel the need to provide as much detail and back story as possible to make sure that the context of a particular idea or situation is absolutely clear. And so, I begin tonight's post with a recounting of today.

Today was a great day. In fact, it was practically the perfect last day of Christmas Break. I slept in (probably too much, but it was still nice) and lounged around for a while. After I finally got ready for the day, I just chilled in the apartment for a bit and hung out with my roommates. Miah invited his friend Kathleen over to hang out. I had met her before, but it was good to get better acquainted. They played guitar for a while, then we ended up playing some card games. She left for work and so I went back to chilling in the apartment. I watched an episode of Merlin. Then we decided to go get pizza at the place where Kathleen worked. We got the pizza, said "Hi" to her and came back to the apartment to eat. After that, Luke went with me to go get gas since my car was running pretty low and I knew this was a better time than any I would have in the next week to fill up. After that, we decided that we wanted to go see what was going on around Canyonlands (our apartment complex) and see who had gotten home from the break. So we stopped by to see Cody for a bit, James joined us, and then we wandered over to D9 to see if anyone was home. Stacie had just gotten back, so we hung out with her for a little bit until Miah called me and let me know that Kathleen was coming back over to hang out some more and she was bringing friends. So Luke, Miah, Kathleen, two of her friends and I watched a movie and then played some more card games. Then they left and my roommates and I hung out for a little bit more and talked and then went to bed.

All in all, it was a great day. Nothing exciting, but just relaxing and hanging out with roommates and friends. I couldn't have asked for anything more. So that brings me to my topic of contemplation for tonight. Despite today being such a perfect day, I find myself malcontent, not wanting to go to bed. By all means, I should be satisfied and ready to rest. I mean, I had a great day, I have a meeting at 8:30 I have to get to and tomorrow is Sunday which means I have church to look forward to and the rest of the day I will mostly be relaxing.

That got me thinking back to last semester and all the times I did this same thing to myself. I would get to the end of a long day of work, school, homework, etc and it would be time to go to bed. But despite the fact that I had to get up early the next morning and even though I was tired, I prolonged sleep for the sheer fact that I didn't want to have to wake up to a new day and do it all over again. So likewise I find myself sitting here at 2 am, trying to prolong the inevitable. Is it just that I don't want today to end because it was so good? Do I not want to move on to tomorrow because I feel like it will inevitably lead to Monday and the start of another hectic semester of school? Do I think that not going to sleep will do any good? Tomorrow will come regardless. Not going to bed just means I'll be that much more tired tomorrow. It means I have that much more time to sit here and dread the upcoming Day of Reckoning (AKA first day of the semester) rather than sleeping and being at peace until I am suddenly faced with the horror of it all. I know that I will have countless more nights like those of last semester, where I won't want to sleep because I refuse to face a new day of drudgery. So somehow I have to find a way to be okay with that. I have to know that I will make it through those long days and short nights (sometimes too short because of my stubbornness in trying to fight against time). I have to know that intermingled with those days will be other days and times that will be worth everything else I go through. Most importantly, I have to know that all of those experiences are what will shape and mold me for longer and harder times to come. That when I am faced with the next inevitable task, I can face it head on instead of dragging my feet the whole way. Because the more I try to avoid it and fight against it, the harder it will be, the longer it will seem to last and the less I will gain from it in the end.

So with that, it's time to stop prolonging the inevitable. As always, thanks for taking the time to read and hopefully this has been of some help to you as it has been to me. Good night, friends.

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